Paying Attention

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Another yoga lesson:

Letting go of expectations and instead paying attention to what’s happening now.  …and now.  …and now.

In yoga classes, we students are encouraged just to breathe–to concentrate on breathing in, and then stopping for a second, breathing out, and stopping for a second; noticing how our bodies feel when they are full of air, noticing how much air there must be in there because of how long it’s taking to breathe it all out, taking stock of how our necks, and shoulders, and backs, and hips, and knees feel–what hurts, what is buzzy and tight, and what feels okay today after feeling crappy for the last few weeks.

Many of the church fathers talk about looking honestly at ourselves, taking stock of our faults and our gifts and our struggles and our service.  Even more true today than when Orson Welles penned it in the 1940’s, “the faster we’re carried, the less time we have” (The Magnificent Ambersons–the opening sequence is the high point of the film; I couldn’t bear to finish it); we look less at ourselves in assessment–or in amazement–than we used to, and we suffer for it.

If our expectations are out of sync with reality, what fault is that but that we cannot accurately project what we’re capable of accomplishing?  (in other words, making superhuman to-do lists because we have lost a conception of time hits us twice–we don’t finish the list, feeling inadequate, and we can’t quite figure out why we couldn’t complete it)  That may mean that we should look a little closer at what on earth we’re spending all these waking hours doing, but it also may mean we should consider what we’re fighting through at the moment, or what our companions need from us in the current phase of life we find ourselves.

In a yoga class, we show up and do our best to focus on the task at hand, putting all our concentration and effort into breathing and stretching and holding and breathing–and explicitly not thinking about other things–for an hour (or so).  What if we showed up in our lives and did our best to focus on the task at hand, putting all our concentration and effort into whatever was sitting in front of us at the moment?  It would be vital to understand that our writing, or our conversation, or whatever it is that comprises our work may not always come as quickly or neatly or easily as we think it ought to, but letting go of the expectation that our work will look and feel a certain way allows us to find new, perhaps more effective and joyful, ways of approaching our tasks and our days.

Smiling at Difficulties

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Another skill I’ve learned from yoga:

smiling when what you want to do is growl, or frown, or scream.

This week, as the Amsa community continues to live into and unpack the ramifications of dear leaders moving to a new community, I’m noticing even more the ways that starting to practice yoga there has helped me to respond with more generosity to people, events, and  moments in my life.

When I read an email that stung, my knee-jerk response was to smile.  Smiling, which you may know, brings on good feelings, lowers tension, and takes less energy than frowning.

During our “warm” yoga sessions, as we hold ourselves and breathe in chair pose (a wall-less squat) for the third or fourth time, Kim always tells us to smile.  Smiling helps us to release the tension we may be holding our bodies during the challenging position.  In life, smiling helps us to release the tension we may be holding our bodies during a challenging moment (or interacting with a challenging person!).

Making Bread: A Magical Recipe for Cinnamon Swirl

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(photo including said-bread.  shot from yesterday’s breakfast-in-bed, thanks to sweet husband)

Today, I’m doing a lot of bread-sharing, so while I’m celebrating with many dear people on this feast of St. Lucy, here’s a recipe I made last night for cinnamon swirl bread.

As any devoted American Girl knows, the Scandanavian way to celebrate December 13th is to don a wreath of lit candles and to serve one’s family delicious baked goods (or at least, that’s what Kirsten taught us…).

Having just recently finished a book in my favorite genre (memoir-and-recipes), and having the charge of reviewing it (therefore being totally required to make at least one recipe in it), I present Milton Brasher-Cunningham‘s “Refrigerator Rolls”-dough-with-Emily-tweaks-into-Cinnamon-Swirl-Loaf!  Viva Lucia!

Cinnamon Swirl Loaf (makes 2 generous 9×5″ loaves)

In a huge bowl combine: 4 cups warm milk, 1 cup sugar, 1 stick of butter, 1/2 cup vegetable oil and 1/2 cup water.  Once the butter is incorporated (but mixture isn’t hot), sprinkle 4 1/2 teaspoons (or 2 packages) yeast onto the liquid and let the mixture sit and foam.

Once you see the yeast working, add 8 cups of flour–a mixture of white and whole wheat gives some texture (I used 3 cups white whole-wheat and 5 white; Milton uses 7 white and 1 whole wheat).  Add the flour gradually to incorporate it well.  Cover the dough and let the it rest (I put mine on top of my warm oven) and grow till doubled–make sure you use a very large bowl!

After it has doubled in size (it always takes longer than it seems like it should–I try to forget about it rising, because there’s no such thing as leaving it to rise for too long the first time), mix in another cup of flour, 3 teaspoons salt, 2 teaspoons baking powder, and 1 teaspoon baking soda.  Cover the dough and let it rise again (at this point, I put the dough in the refrigerator–it will keep rising in there, just at a much, much slower rate).

If you’ve put the dough in the refrigerator to rise, take the dough out to warm up a few hours (even in the morning, if you’re making the bread in the afternoon or evening) before you plan to bake.  At this point, Milton makes dinner rolls or sweet rolls; I divided the dough into 2 portions, covering my counter with a generous helping of flour (this is very loose, sticky dough) and folding it just enough to make sure it wouldn’t fall apart.  Stretch out one portion into a rectangle about 9 inches by 14 inches.  Cover the face of the dough with 1/3 cup sugar, 3 tablespoons cinnamon, 2 teaspoons ground ginger, and any other spices that appeal (I also used Penzey’s Chinese Five Spice Powder), drizzle with 2 tablespoons real maple syrup.  If you would like, sprinkle the sweet filling with 3/4 cup chopped walnuts, and then carefully roll the dough, using a short end as your starting point.  Once you have rolled the dough up, drop it into a sprayed 9×5″ baking pan with the seam down.  Repeat with the other portion.

Let the bread rise while the oven heats up to 425 degrees, about an hour, and then bake the loaves for 40-55 minutes, until brown and hollow-sounding.  Let cool and enjoy!