to my loved ones

for all friends, acquaintances, and family (gathered from Minnesota and Ohio, Canada and the UK, New York to Texas to Georgia and Washington, and so many places in between):

I am feeling so very blessed to have been loved by so many beautiful, faithful, goofy people for all of my 30 years. I very much wish I could stick pericopes here, but I know I’d forget a dozen important ones and I wish least of all for any ill feelings; those who have fallen in love with me, who have been on sports teams and drama casts with me, who have sat on the couch and have traveled and have drunk and made dinner and walked and learned with me–I am so, so very grateful to have met you and shared life with you.

You have each given me a precious gift for which I am especially grateful after this tumultuous year which could have been my last; you have loved this person who I am.

I’ve had a very hard time, for much of my life, seeing this person who you love; even on the night of my birthday, a friend said to me, “You’ve been doing such a fabulous, faithful job writing those prayers and sharing that gift…” to which I immediately replied, “oh, I don’t know about that” (far from trying to be self-effacing, I truly did (owing to the demons who run around pushing tape-loops through my head) think I was missing the mark I expected at work).

Thankfully, I caught myself and remembered exactly the sentiment I’m trying to express, having reflected early in the day (before the wine and bourbon came out) on the extraordinary community which has surrounded me everywhere I’ve been, holding me up in the light, even when I feel I’m sinking in darkness. Though I have difficulty recognizing this person you describe and the person who you treat me as if I am, I am humbled and hopeful as you continually show me the grace of a beloved child of God.

And so, I thank you, dear sweet friends, for your time and your love, your compassionate, seeking-the-good mirrors you’ve turned toward me, helping me learn to love myself.  You help me to see who you see, to see who God sees.

Thank you for continuing to love this cracked pot.

4 thoughts on “to my loved ones

  1. I think about you almost every day, and I am definitely a crack pot right along with you. You are a beautiful person, and God sees you as beautiful as well. We are not perfect yet, but are working towards it. Have a blessed day and many more to come.

  2. Ah, but remember that the Chinese repair cracked pots with gold because the very cracking is part of life and therefore precious.

    It was lovely to see you, either I have shrunk or you have had a growth spurt!

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